In Marriage, Who Are You?!

By on June 17, 2013
beautifull couple

In Marriage, Who Are You?!

I’m happy, or am I not? Am I in love? Or am I in denial? What makes love worth the fight and what makes it worth taking the risk to stop fighting and just move on? It’s funny because most of love’s answers contradict each other, and most of our behavior whilst in love contradicts itself.

Everyday it’s a struggle, to be in love, to be in a relationship, some of us make it, some of us don’t. Some of us stay in love for years and years and suddenly, everything vanishes, because like every relationship, the flaws are there, but what makes love fade? I believe it could be bitterness, and lack of appreciation, attention and certainly compromise. What keeps us holding on to our partner despite their flaws are mainly either one of three following reasons;  a) Love  b) Patience  c) Kids (tying the knot, bam having a child before your first anniversary as a married couple, and before you know it, you’re stuck). But what if one of these isn’t  choices aren’t there? Without one of these reasons or excuses, where would you be? This isn’t a silly question, you’d think without love most people would leave each other, but this isn’t true, a lot of people can’t admit to themselves the truth about their own feelings, either afraid to experience change, afraid to never find love again or be loved again, or just afraid to admit something important in your life didn’t go the way you planned it would or dreamed it would.

I choose to look at breaking up, or ‘letting go’ differently. Like all things we experience, we must have the courage to grow, change and realize the change that happens within us as we get older. In our modern day and society, especially being in the Middle East, you’re expected to be married by a certain age, pressured to have children within a certain period of time, but who really cares about what you and your spouse are really experiencing emotionally?

We aren’t just robots!

Marriage is unlike any other experience, and it’s not like anyone can get you prepared for how amazing it will turn out to be, or how bitter it might one day end. Give us space! Let us try to understand ourselves first as people; what we want from our relationship, are we ready for an engagement or ready for marriage, what do we want from our marriage?! We should know all of this because of how well we know our selves and our dreams, not because of what we’ve been told! What if marriage isn’t just kids? What if it’s building future, stable successful careers, what if we want to travel the world together, what if we still want to study? Perhaps try to learn about whom we are in such a new situation; because chances are first marriages have a 50% chance of failing and a 50% chance of succeeding, like anything else you do for the first time in your life.

Of course no one goes into a marriage imagining that it might end. But we make this move, under the influence of hope, of love and of faith.  What each one of us wants from their marriage is a different issue, and in no way should we judge each other’s relationships success based on our own needs, desires or dreams. It takes guts to know what you want and to go after it. Some people live their whole lives not knowing what they want, some even live being afraid to ask themselves what they dream of, because the answer might scare them, the answer might ask them to work harder than they are now to get to a place no one has ever been.

Some marriages lead to you neglecting yourself, putting everything you have into your spouse, and while that might make your spouse happy, you realize you soon disappear to yourself and even to your lover. I never write something I myself don’t believe in, I don’t sit here and write suggestions I myself don’t take or think about. I think everyday of where I am and who am I; is this where I want to be and where do I want to go. And if I don’t like my answer to any of these questions, I do my best to make it change. I ask you to do the same. Love yourself.

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